RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
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