I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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