thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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