New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
