it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
