can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
