you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
