I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
