At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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