oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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