the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
