I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
