there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
