dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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