Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
false alarm. still invincible.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Farmville is her only friend.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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