I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
