fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
