yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
