youre lurking in front of me
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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