I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
