A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
