I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
