Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
