Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
