I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
