Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
