I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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