the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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