Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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