operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
