you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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