a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
