tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
