Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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