She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
