I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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