i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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