I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
