we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
