My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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