i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
