We won't sleep together?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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