I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
