don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
