He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
