you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
