Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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