Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
