TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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