Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
