New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
