This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
