I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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